Conflict Resolution For Couples In Business Together
OK…so just saying five words won’t magically solve your conflict.
BUT we have discovered that there is a five-sentence phrase that can help you recognize what is truly at the heart of your disagreement.
First let’s talk about the impact that conflict, and, more importantly, a lack of strong conflict resolution strategies can have on your small business.
Conflict resolution experts, Pollack Peace Building Systems pulled together some amazing workplace conflict statistics that highlight the cost - in terms of time and money - that general workplace conflict causes for businesses large and small.
“Employees in United States companies spend approximately 2.1 hours each week involved in conflict.
(CPP Inc., 2008).”
For a couple who owns a small business together, conflict can add an even deeper emotional cost. Workplace conflict just hits differently when you’re business partner is also your spouse.
So, what are those FIVE WORDS that can end conflict?
WHAT IS THIS REALLY ABOUT?
WHAT IS THIS REALLY ABOUT?
Whether said out loud (remember the tone should be friendly and curious) or something you silently contemplate as you and your partner get into another useless argument, this phrase can help uncover what the issue really is and get you one step closer to solving it.
According to relationship expert Charlie Simpson with Arkansas Relationship Counseling Center, “Happiness comes from being able to find the compromise.”
But, he adds, you can’t compromise if you don’t know the true issue.
Listen to the interview! Check out Episode 1 of Season 2 of the Couples Inc Podcast.
That argument you just had about Post-it notes really isn’t about Post-it notes.
Let’s dig a little deeper.
The initial statement might just feel like nagging…until you get to the REAL issue.
The partner asking about Post-it notes really wants:
Acknowledgment that running a small business is hard and, sometimes, scary
To feel seen, heard and understood
To know that you are a team and that both of you understand what is at stake
To address the actual issue of financial stability
Once the real reason - financial security - is discovered, steps can be taken to address the issue and show support for each other.
A real conversation can take place.
Now, Let’s Improve Your Communication Skills
Sometimes conflict comes down to poor communication.
Below are some warning signs that you need to dig deeper to find out “What is this really about?”
Communication Issue #1
Talking past each other is a common problem for couples.
Hearing what is being said is not enough. You need to fully understand and comprehend the message.
This happens to Glenn and me more often than we would like to admit.
It often stems from one or both of us assuming we already know the point the other is making or we might be too focused on our own points that we aren’t really paying attention.
True story: In the midst of a heated discussion we have stopped, taken a moment and then realized that we were actually AGREEING on the same course of action. We were just saying it in a different way.
If we had been doing what experts call “active listening,” we would have realized it sooner and saved ourselves some unnecessary glares and a lot of overly-dramatic sighs.
According to an article from Psychology Today, “Listen without interruption to what the other person has to say. Aspire to be objective and clear. Then, ask questions to make sure each side understands what the other person thinks, feels, and wants.”
“To identify the source of the conflict, you have to pay attention and listen carefully. To listen actively, make sure you understand your partner and paraphrase the other party’s points.”
Communication Issue #2
Disagreements are going to happen. It comes with both of you being passionate about the business.
As I mentioned above, sometimes you find that you are arguing about minor things - these are often proxies for something else.
This is a communication problem that is likely a sign that there is some underlying issue and potential conflict that needs resolving.
Now is the time to use those 5 powerful words: What Is This Really About?
Once you get to the bottom of what that conflict is really about, you can work to resolve it.
On the flip side.
You might truly care about something that could seem small but is important to you.
In our blog post - The Five Love Languages of Couples in Business - I talked about how TIME is my primary work language and that I put a strong emphasis on properly managing timelines. If you and your partner differ on this, you might find yourselves arguing a lot about missed deadlines.
In this case, you can still ask the question “What Is This Really About?”
But you aren’t necessarily trying to find a hidden meaning behind the complaint about missed deadlines. You are trying to find out if there is something more to the act of missing deadlines.
Is your partner overwhelmed with work and uncomfortable asking for help?
Is your partner not the best person to do the task? (Insert link to 3Ts blog)
Are the deadlines unclear? Or is your project management system not up to the task?
Communication Issue #3
Problems communicating with each other?
Just don’t do it.
Wrong answer!
Communication is the key to a successful partnership - professional or personal. If you are finding it easier to just NOT talk to your spouse, then, ironically, that’s exactly what you need to do most.
It might be time to do a mid-year check-in or schedule a retreat to tackle the issues that are bothering the two of you. And don’t be ashamed to ask for professional help from a therapist.
Don’t let minor issues build into major problems.
Stop Feeling Conflicted About Conflict
Conflicts are going to happen. Couples disagree. Business partners disagree.
As a couple in business, you are bound to argue in both your professional and personal lives. It’s normal.
Just remember the Five Power Words and the importance of being honest with each other.
Conflict resolution is an important part of working better, together!
